one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
