3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
