You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found the puke drawer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The Olympian is in my bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
