I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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