All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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