grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
