What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I believe in your delicious
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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