Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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