yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So much Jack, so little girl.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize