I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
