i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize