my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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