dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
