You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You are the jesus of drinking
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
