You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
