Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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