saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
