Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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