Umm I'm too high to move.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
