dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
