Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
