I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude. I can hear the air.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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