I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
my poor anus
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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