So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
