Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
