i love accidental penises.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
