you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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