the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
