Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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