we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
