just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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