I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
