i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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