just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
