Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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