you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
