i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
