I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
