It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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