Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
