i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
