I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
