Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
