I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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