Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
