i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
