if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
