we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
