Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We need to rekindle our bromance
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
