she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
