Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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