I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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