If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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