she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
