He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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