I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The air was thick with penises
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
