I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
