why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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