i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize