you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
