I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
