I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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