The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize