i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
