gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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