Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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