Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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