If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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