Your dad touched me again.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
