grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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