i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
