I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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