I wish I could teleport
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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