He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
