He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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