Buhtt sex?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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