Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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