just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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