I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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