it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
