Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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