one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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